


The Art of One-upmanship

by needles



Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [56]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29790180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needles/pseuds/needles
Summary: Never, never make assumptions without all the evidence, unless you want to look like a fool.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [56]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	The Art of One-upmanship

The shrill ringing of a cell phone broke through the regular low hubbub of the diner at lunchtime. Bokuto pulled it from his pants pocket and flipped it open, at the same time as slapping at the hand that sneaked towards his fries trying to take advantage of the distraction.

“Down boy!” he hissed.

“No sir, not you. Yes, I see, yes he’s here I’ll tell him. Would you get the location sent to my phone? Great, yes we’ll get over there right away.”

He closed the phone and looked at his partner just in time to see his last fry disappear between his lips. _Great, now he felt envious of a fry!_

“That was Yamiji. Daishou’s case has turned up some bones and he wants you to take a look, I told him we’d be right there.”

Keiji grimaced. “I can do it myself Bokuto san, you don’t need to come. I thought you had that court case to prepare for?”

“Akaashi I am not letting you and Daishou get together without me there.”

“Afraid we’ll dish the dirt on you?” Keiji grinned slyly.

“No Akaashi I’m afraid you’ll kill each other without me to referee.” He laughed at Keiji’s disappointed face. “Come on we may as well go since you’ve stolen all my fries, and on the way you can tell me all the dirt you were going to dish on me. I suppose that’s another expression you learned from Yukie.”

Keiji nodded. “We’ve reached D in my idioms 101 course.”

Bokuto shook his head in disbelief as he ushered him to the car.

“Oh God Akaashi this place smells worse than one of your decomposed bodies!” Bokuto clamped a handkerchief over his face as they walked between the sewerage tanks to where Daishou and the forensics team were waiting.

“Well it is high summer Bokuto san, what do you expect.” Keiji said unsympathetically. “Perhaps you should have worn a suit and mask like mine, if your nose is so sensitive?” He tapped the equipment tucked under his arm.

“Thanks for the sympathy Akaashi.”

Daishou stood smiling as they approached, immaculate in his suit and polished shoes. A marked contrast to Keiji who was wearing his practical but unflattering overalls.

“Bokuto, thanks for lending me your squint. I am pretty sure these are the remains of our missing gang member, it fits the description, 'short, heavily built, red hair and prominent teeth'. But I guess we need a formal ID.” He sneered.

Keiji felt like gagging, and not because of the smell; however he refused to stoop to Daishou’s level so he contented himself with asking. “Has anyone moved the remains at all?”

Daishou laughed. “No one has been near them Sensei; they are still waiting for you in the tank down there.” He pointed almost gleefully, to the stinking slurry in the bottom of the drained tank. Bokuto winced at the sight, though he knew Keiji would take it in his stride.

“So you haven’t taken a close look at them yourself then Detective?” Keiji inquired innocently. Bokuto glanced at his partner, he was up to something.

Daishou smirked. “Not in these shoes my dear Sensei.”

“Are the remains lying exposed on the surface?” Keiji continued.

“Not at all, they are half covered in this muck.” Daishou confirmed.

“So you have absolutely nothing on which to base your assumption that they are the remains of your missing gang member.” Keiji stated bluntly.

Bokuto smiled as he saw Daishou’s face fall, _‘score one to Akaashi,’_ he thought.

Without waiting for Daishou to respond Keiji donned his breathing equipment in case of noxious gas, and descended the steps into the sludge. It sucked and squelched against his knees as he waded the few feet across to the remains.

He bent over the remains of the heavily decomposed head; prominent brow ridges, protruding teeth and jaw, and, clinging to the remaining tissue, strands of long red hair. He reached down into the slurry and lifted out the arms, the skin on the hands was darkened and leathery, the body hair was a similar red. He checked the legs; the feet were bare and the hairy legs were short and stocky. The body was apparently naked. He signalled to the forensic techs that they could recover the remains and waded back to the steps. 

He climbed out, everyone standing well back to give him clear passage to where another tech stood ready to hose him down. When he was finally cleaned off he removed his helmet and unzipped his suit. He stepped clear and the techs gathered up the discarded protection. He crossed back to where Daishou had sidled as close as he could to Bokuto, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable about it. 

“Well Akaashi what do you make of it?” Bokuto asked.

“Male, mid-forties probably drowned following a fall into the tank. Red hair, stocky, barely five feet tall, prominent jaw and teeth.” He reeled off his findings.

“So it’s likely it’s my gang member after all then.” Daishou gloated.

“Not unless your gang member belonged to the Pongo Pygmaeus family and went by the name of Albert,” Keiji said, with a slight smile of satisfaction.

Daishou looked dumbfounded and turned to Bokuto who had his hand clamped over his mouth to stifle his laughter, although his shaking shoulders gave him away.

“Bokuto! Will you please tell me what is so funny? Just who is this victim?” Daishou demanded angrily.

Bokuto managed to regain his composure. “Daishou I’m afraid your victim is an Orang-Utan by the name of Albert, missing from the zoo for the last month.”

“Perhaps next time you would check your remains are human before calling me.” Keiji admonished Daishou. “Now, I would go and notify the Wildlife Department of your discovery if I were you.” 

He turned to his partner. “Bokuto san we had best get back, you have that court case to prepare for and I have a report to finish on our last _human_ victim.” Keiji spun sharply on his heel and marched off in the direction of the SUV. 

Bokuto followed, his shoulders still shaking a little with mirth.

Daishou just stood watching. If looks could kill the Museum lab would be short one forensic anthropologist.

Back in the car Bokuto was still shaking.

“Bokuto san do you want me to drive if you can’t stop laughing?” Keiji offered.

“I’m ok Akaashi, but the look on his face when you said Albert, oh God it was priceless.” He turned the key and reversed the SUV. 

“I must admit I did quite relish that myself, I enjoy a touch of schadenfreude sometimes, although I really shouldn’t.” Keiji grinned at the memory. “His face really was a picture though wasn’t it?” 

The cab of the SUV rang to the sound of laughter all the way back to the lab.


End file.
